1. ANYWHERE with cobbles: London, Paris, a tiny country village with two pubs in North Yorkshire. WHEREVER. Take it from me, they are DETERMINED to take.you.down.
2. On press days in LONDON. Occasionally it seems I experience brief bouts of amnesia, specifically when I'm travelling into London for an array of new season press days. Spaced out across the West End and further afield, one seemingly forgets that although five inch heels look SPECTACULAR with your new River Island cigarette pants, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL that you won't be limping around in on-sale flip flops by 3pm (4pm at the latest).
4. The Lake District. Duh. Most people favour the walking boot for this.
5. When you're on DEADLINE for the next issue. Collapsing in the design room as you try to swerve the photocopier isn't ladylike nor clever.
5, Florence, Italy. I recently experienced this. The old stone slabs that line the streets are charming, but absolute DEATH TRAPS for stilt-wearing sartorials.
6. NIGHTS OUT abroad (of the partying kind – think IBIZA). Forget it. You'll either return home with only one shoe (a terrible loss particularly if it's a Jimmy Choo), or you'll have stabbed a large piece of kebab meet with one stiletto heel and brought home a sourvenir. Neither outcome is desired.
7. SHOPPING. Because even though you may have already forgotten the last time you did this (the occasional bout of amnesia strikes again)...it's NEVER a good idea. You'll end up silently crying as you peruse the perfume shelves in Debenhams.
8. When operating a car. JUST DON'T. Have a spare of ballerina flats on hand or (as Schmidt suggests in New Girl) a pair of 'driving moccasins.'
Just asked the HUSBAND what other situations heels don't bode well for...he suggested: 'While doing sports...mowing the lawn, in the bath, swimming, skiing'...(and after a long pause)...'winter' (not sure what this refers to)...
Had any bad heel-related experiences? Did your wedge fall off as you ran for the bus and you face-planted the pavement/squished your face against the glass window pane of the bus stop? I want to know! Let me know in the comment box below...
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